Pandemic Schooling Part 5: Room time/ Chill time/ Alone time

How on earth do you do room time? Give my head peace... if this is you right now, twith no clear end in sight to lockdown then this post might help!

Time out/ Room time/ Alone time- whatever you like to call it, it's amazing! It used to frustrate the living daylights out of me because my kids couldn't manage it. Now they can for a whole glorious hour a day. It's a life saver especially when we’re with each other all the time. Here’s my ‘how to’ guide if you or your kids are struggling like we did.

The aim of room time is to allow time in your day for you to gather and your big and littles to still. In this climate, it might mean jumping on a call where you really have to concentrate or getting some work done. As an introvert, particularly in this season I really need this time. I have to be resolute to not give into the temptation to get all the house jobs done. Sometimes if my inner Monica wins and I really need to do jobs, I give myself a timer to get some stuff done and then when it ‘bings’ I finish up and go read a book, listen to some music, watch a candle flame flicker or smash some levels on candy crush. Whatever works for you.

Room time can be a really tricky concept for kids to understand and manage, especially when they've been used to being around other children in nursery or school for the majority of the day. The thoughts of being by themselves in a room with no one else around them or to talk to can be overwhelming, particularly so for the extroverts amongst us. The key is in the set up. It’s way too high of an expectation for your kids to grasp immediately and too much of a jump to suddenly require it from kids. Here’s some things that I learned along the way mainly through trial and error to make it something enjoyable and that actually works.

Plan it.

Put it into your day so it's not associated with punishment or parental overwhelm or disapproval. If your kids are old enough explain the concept of each of us needing our own time.

The temptation to suddenly yell ‘right, room time everyone’ because you’ve had enough is great - I get that. I was that! In the long term though everyone comes back from room time unsettled and feeling somehow they’ve done wrong. I mean sometimes they have done wrong and i definitely have had enough and there is merit in them learning to suffer in silence. We currently do it after lunch for a whole glorious hour.

Start small.

Having a cup of tea (refer to the cup of tea trick in the homeschool hacks post - 2 posts back) in hand and saying to your kids. ‘Go play by yourselves- I’m not available to help right now’ might be all your kids are able for right now. Start there. Create a space on opposite sides of the room and send them off to it. Or your older ones, with some rational thinking capacity, can start in their rooms and littler ones in the same room as you. (especially for really little ones) Or start them in their room with a timer and some things to do and when the timer goes they’re allowed to come downstairs to play quietly near you. Start with a manageable chunk of time and extend it each day until you get it to where you need it to be.

Helpful phrases:

You can be near me but I’m not available.

Just play by yourself. I can’t help you right now but I can once the timer goes off *queue the child who just goes to the timer and watches it count down and updates you every second.

When the timer goes off my brain will be ready for more questions again.

My brain needs to get rest to get stronger so does yours, this is time to be quiet and be by ourselves.

Be prepared.

Spend some time creating a box or writing a list of things to do in room time. Things that the kids like to do and enjoy spending time doing.

Be specific in time.

Use timers- as tempting as it is, resist the urge to leave it open ended with a ‘5 more minutes tagline’. Over time it ends up becoming a battle. Give a specific end time.

Offer a reward.

Set it up as a challenge to overcome rather than something to be endured. This is especially appealing to the extroverts. The reward doesn't have to be huge. It can be a little family tradition like a cup of peppermint tea and honey, a story, or playing a board game. For some it's enough of a reward to be ‘released’ !!

Give it time.

Over time I found they learn to adjust and actually really enjoy room time. Granted, some of them more than others. The other great thing about it, is that they are glad to be with their siblings again once it's over. Shock horror! It does restore a little faith in humanity too. “Wait what!? They actually like each other!!”

Little kids can play together.

My two younger boys share a room. They do room time together. They each have stuff to do but this way they can manage it. They don't tend to argue when they each have their own things to do and understand the boundaries of sticking to that. On a bad day, I will just give them a space each, not in their rooms.

Snack.

Pack them off with a snack and a drink to ‘survive’ room time. It gives them something to do in the first instance while they desensitise.

Avoid screens.

While this results in immediate quiet in our house in the short term. I learned that the switch back from screens to reality is a difficult transition. Now, we don’t use screens as part of room time. I want my kids to be in the same, if not better form, afterwards not worse or more demanding. The general difficulty I find with screens is that we get used to things happening immediately. Click a button and we get an instant response. That does something in our brain (i'm not sure what exactly, you’d have to ask my husband) but the click - response isn’t real life and so transitioning back into real life where we have to use manners, eye contact, listening skills and God forbid, even wait for a moment, doesn’t go well for us.

Remember the aim is to try to create some margin, for peace in your head from the glorious tones of your kids ‘mumming you’ x a googolplex on repeat! We once estimated how many times a day someone said ‘mum’ and if I were to get a £1 for each one what my wage would be. We definitely ran out of fingers and toes adding it up. It was a lot.